Many of you may know that for the past 30 days, I have found myself at the bedside of my beloved; Kai. Today, she is doing much better, yet there is still the journey ahead and not yet.
Those closest to me have termed my journey of the past month as; holding space, sitting vigil, standing still and suspended animation of sorts. Actually, there is no incorrect way to look at it and I have come to know my experiences here as being broken open. So, before all of my metaphysical and spiritual besties do that thing you do, where you want to put a positive spin on a turd. Slow your roll and hear me out. To be broken open for me does not mean a state of disrepair or uselessness. For me it has become a place of deep peace, agitated silence and longing for love’s return. Being broken open has yielded a new awareness about everything including myself. The greatest gift that I found to date has been the opportunity to bear witness to the strained seams and frayed threads that hold us together on good days and the level of intensity that it takes to gather the pieces of our existence when it feels like life has imploded. The seams, threads and bindings are my metaphorical way is describing how people, lives, narratives, fears, moments, pain, joy, strength and breaths often gently touch one another and join us one to another. This touch bridges both the gaps that we know and the and the ones that we are yet to know.
Here is the lesson: we are surrounded by millions of these intentional and divine opportunities to connect each day and the question that I encountered is this; “Is my pain so great, my despair so deep and my loneliness so contrived that I cannot see the need that is real in me manifesting also in the posture, weeping and distant gaze of a stranger?
My soul answered neither yes or no. My soul’s response was and still is that I cannot not see the breaking open of others because in my life I too am broken open and today held together together by the kindness of strangers, the prayers of the people and the faith of the ancestors. The difference between then and now is that I choose to lean into each moment as my only way through.
The Way of wisdom is woven into the fabric of our being and the seams that hold us together are wisdom, Truth and courage. So when life happens in all of the good and indifferent ways that it does, know that there are a lot choices at hand in the moment and lean into what you are made of in order to find your way through.